just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
