dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
