So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
