In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
