I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dear god my vagina.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
