There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
