but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize