I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
