What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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