This is not my ceiling
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
