haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
