i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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