you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
