Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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