Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
