If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I faked an abortion last night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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