Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
