ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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