Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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