you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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