What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
