I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
