i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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