Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
