why didn't you poke me back
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Two words: blizzard sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
