Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
