Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
