about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
