maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
