Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
