Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love you.
Bad choice
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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