What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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