I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
