Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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