there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
