I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
