He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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