If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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