Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
