Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
