With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
