question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
