SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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