i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you still have your period?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Mom said you looked used
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
