just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
