Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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