"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
