don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
