Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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