My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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