My hand turned me down
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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