Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
