Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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