Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
