Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
