Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We had sex on a dog bed..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
