i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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