I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
