How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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