Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
