I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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