turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
