if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hippo gnu deer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shame - the story of my life.
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