I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
