i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize