How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
