Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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