The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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