i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize