I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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