people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
