Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
