I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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