I'm really into asian looking animals
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
