you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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