then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize