I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
