Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
