it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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