I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
