once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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