Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
is it fun? or sober?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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