On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
