so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ketchup is God's man juice
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
