"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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