It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
