She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize