Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
