I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
