We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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